je suis la petite bete de person (systematiccalm) wrote,
je suis la petite bete de person

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Thinking aloud.

It's probably just because I'm growing up, but lately I've known alot of people either getting pregnant, or giving birth. (Including cats.)
The mister and I awoke this morning at about 4 o'clock to realize his preggo cat was giving birth, and the little mewling noises were not the usual kittens.
She had four (!!), we thought she'd have maybe two. They are so tiny and mewling, I can't wait for them to open their eyes and play with them. I might be taking one, if he agrees to it. (These are the sphynx cats.)
I found out about a month ago that one of my best friends here is pregnant. She's just into her second trimester now, and starting to get really excited about it. I'm happy for her, but cautious too. Then I remember my mom had me when she was a year younger than us, and it doesn't seem that odd.
One of the ladies I work with just went off on mat leave, she was due on the 7th, we haven't heard from her yet. She was huge when she left, I hope for her sake she's given birth already so that she can stand up without getting someone to help her out of her chair.
Another woman I work with told me about two weeks ago that she is finally pregnant. I was the first in the office she told. Her and her husband have been trying for years. She is so happy about it, she bounces around the office now, and I don't blame her, it's what she's wanted more than anything since she can remember. She will be an amazing mom.

It all just seems so odd to me. I'm more than happy for all these women, they are doing what they want with their lives, doing something huge, and amazing, and scary at the same time. I just can't help but feel completely outside it. I have no urge to have children, never have. I realize a large amount of women my age say this, but it doesn't change the fact. I'm too pessimistic, I think. I'm terrified the world won't be around by the time I'm 75. Maybe not even 60. I don't want to bring a child into a world that might not be around for it's full life. And while I completely understand and don't begrudge people who do, I couldn't justify having a child, when there are so many in the world who don't even have a shot at the life they were brought into, no water or access to medical care, or daily food.

I'm glad I live in a day and age where it's ok that I can make this choice, not to have children, and not have it impact my life in a negative manner. I will however, be the aunt to my friends child, the one who feeds them candy and then takes them home, and buys them the annoying gifts their parents won't. I'm shooting for 10 for their first rock concert.

Just wanted to get this all off my chest.
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