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je suis la petite bete de person

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Gasp! [Friday
February 24th, 2012 ]

Lately I've felt more often than not that I'm drowning, slowly. It's happening so slowly in fact, that no one really notices I'm even underwater.
I'm too proud to call for help, and too unwilling to burden others to blindly grab out to pull myself up by whoever is closest.

Drowning is the most terrifying death I can imagine.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

1 cmnt

Insert Postal Service Lyric Here [Sunday
January 15th, 2012 ]

Broke up with a boy Friday.
Still sad about it.

We only dates for a little over a month so it shouldn't hurt so much.... But to be honest I hadn't felt the way I did the first couple of weeks when it was going so well for... Well for around 5 years or so.

Was nice to have butterflies. And look forward to seeing him.

Oh well.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


I'd be an awful weird Mom.. [Monday
January 9th, 2012 ]

Today I realized I'm a crazy dog person. Like a crazy cat lady, but much more socially acceptable, and I only need one dog.

The moment of realization?

I was absent-mindedly petting Caillou while watching X-Files (integral to the story that I mention that detail, of course) - when he turns his head and looks at me. I look into his heart breaking soft eyes and say "You, mister, are so handsome it hurts my heart sometimes."

And I meant it.

That is all.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Hey thanks, Universe. [Wednesday
January 4th, 2012 ]

Woke up this morning feeling pretty much as I did before I fell asleep - headache, heartache and full of melancholic blahs.
(read - emo).
Got myself and the dog dressed to grab a coffee and on our way out I noticed an old, beat up cabinet in the hallway, made of old barnyard wood painted maroon.
Someone recently moved out of another unit on my floor, perhaps this is destined for the trash?
I pondered what I could do with it. Then I started getting excited. I could make this beautiful again. Beautiful and functional and well placed in the right space.
So I knocked on the door of the recently departed neighbor, and lo and behold painters were sprucing up the empty space.
"Hi, I was just wondering if this cabinet came from here? And if it's going out to the trash?"
Why yes it was. Would I like it? Would I like help getting it into my place?

Now I have a project. My headache is gone even though there are paint fumes all up in here currently. Who knew this is exactly what I needed?

So thanks, random chance.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Hello? Is it me you're looking for? [Tuesday
January 3rd, 2012 ]

Dear Journal-

Hey stranger, remember me? Oh, you don't?
Oh... No I get it, it really has been awhile. I wasn't trying to push you out of my life, I swear it... I guess we just drifted apart?

But, well Journal, this is a bit hard for me, regardless here it goes:
Life has changed, a lot in the past few years. I took you for granted, I really did, and I know that now. I miss you. Can I have you back in my life again? Can I fix it, will you let me?

I really hope so - maybe we can chat again tomorrow?

All my love,

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

1 cmnt

Like whoa. [Saturday
February 5th, 2011 ]
Sometimes I miss this magical space in which I can pour out the contents of my head, re read and try to make sense of it all.
Maybe I'll start being a good little livejournal user again?

4 cmnt

Smoking :: The Final Fuck You [Tuesday
June 12th, 2007 ]
[ mood | amused ]

So I've quit smoking.
So far I'm feeling really good about it.

Yesterday I cleaned my ashtrays - they are now candle holders.
One was being particularly obtuse, wouldn't come clean, so I left it in the sink to soak.

I get back from a nice long walk this evening, decide to get the dishes done before bed.
I finish up all the dishes, then tackle this last ashtray.
I'm just scrubbing the last little bit of it, and somehow it breaks clean in two, slicing open my thumb.
Not a huge cut, but it was like the final little death keel, a send-off.
Funny thing is it's the same thumb that just healed from my fondue fork attack last week.

That is all.


Thinking aloud. [Monday
May 14th, 2007 ]
[ mood | contemplative ]

It's probably just because I'm growing up, but lately I've known alot of people either getting pregnant, or giving birth. (Including cats.)
The mister and I awoke this morning at about 4 o'clock to realize his preggo cat was giving birth, and the little mewling noises were not the usual kittens.
She had four (!!), we thought she'd have maybe two. They are so tiny and mewling, I can't wait for them to open their eyes and play with them. I might be taking one, if he agrees to it. (These are the sphynx cats.)
I found out about a month ago that one of my best friends here is pregnant. She's just into her second trimester now, and starting to get really excited about it. I'm happy for her, but cautious too. Then I remember my mom had me when she was a year younger than us, and it doesn't seem that odd.
One of the ladies I work with just went off on mat leave, she was due on the 7th, we haven't heard from her yet. She was huge when she left, I hope for her sake she's given birth already so that she can stand up without getting someone to help her out of her chair.
Another woman I work with told me about two weeks ago that she is finally pregnant. I was the first in the office she told. Her and her husband have been trying for years. She is so happy about it, she bounces around the office now, and I don't blame her, it's what she's wanted more than anything since she can remember. She will be an amazing mom.

It all just seems so odd to me. I'm more than happy for all these women, they are doing what they want with their lives, doing something huge, and amazing, and scary at the same time. I just can't help but feel completely outside it. I have no urge to have children, never have. I realize a large amount of women my age say this, but it doesn't change the fact. I'm too pessimistic, I think. I'm terrified the world won't be around by the time I'm 75. Maybe not even 60. I don't want to bring a child into a world that might not be around for it's full life. And while I completely understand and don't begrudge people who do, I couldn't justify having a child, when there are so many in the world who don't even have a shot at the life they were brought into, no water or access to medical care, or daily food.

I'm glad I live in a day and age where it's ok that I can make this choice, not to have children, and not have it impact my life in a negative manner. I will however, be the aunt to my friends child, the one who feeds them candy and then takes them home, and buys them the annoying gifts their parents won't. I'm shooting for 10 for their first rock concert.

Just wanted to get this all off my chest.

3 cmnt

Laundry Faux-Pas? [Monday
April 30th, 2007 ]
[ mood | curious ]

My apartment building has one washer, and one dryer for tenant use. (Not cheap, either.)
There are 18 units in the building, yet somehow I've never run into anyone down there who is either waiting for the washer to become available, or is getting their dry clothes from the dryer.
Normally Monday's are a laundry day, as I have the day off and figure there won't be as many people home during the day to do theirs. I had a ton of running around to get done once I got home from the boys this morning, so I didn't get a chance until this evening.
When I brought mine down to put in the washer, someone else had theirs in the dryer, with 47minutes to go. Works for me, the washer is 40 minutes, I'll wait an extra 10-15 and head down.
I spend 55 minutes doing dishes, checking possibly campsites for July, ect.
When I go downstairs, the dryer is still full. Hm, ok.
I decide to be polite, head back upstairs and wait another 10. By the time I'm back down there, it has been almost half an hour since their clothes were done.
So I took theirs out (all Ikea shirts and a few wife beaters...) and put them on top of a garbage bag I brought down on the dryer. I put mine in and started it.
Was this excesively rude of me? If it wasn't so late in the day I wouldn't care, but by the time my clothes are dry, and I've ironed the ones that need it, it's already 9:30.

What do you guys think?

6 cmnt

ZING! [Friday
April 20th, 2007 ]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Mission Pierce Left Nipple (a.k.a Lucy) :: ACCOMPLISHED.

It hurt, but nowhere near as much as my lip did. (Which I no longer have.)
However, people who say the clamp is the worst part by far need to be punched in the balls - that's a load of shit.
The worst part is after the needle is in, and all your endorphins are wasted, and then the threaded barbell is pushed though behind it. I didn't flinch though, just a sort of loud, drawn out "Godamn sonovabitch!".
It looks huge and ungainly at the moment, (the jewellery that is) because in comparison my navel jewellery is tiny.
I can't wait for it to heal so that I can put a smaller piece in, including the smaller balls. Just looks better.

Once the marks he made to align it are completely washed off, I'll take pictures, and maybe post them here.
Does anyone really want to see my mutilated boob anyways? (Artfully mutilated, mind you..)

That's all I really have to talk about at the moment. It's too sunny outside to concentrate on much.


12 cmnt

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